How To Repair A Friendship
In today’s digital age, where life seems to play out in highlight reels and swift judgments, the trend of “cutting people off” and “eliminating negativity” has gained a lot of popularity. A scroll through social media may lead you to believe that ending relationships is the most efficient way to cultivate personal happiness.
However, while distancing ourselves from toxic or abusive relationships is unquestionably essential, it’s also important to recognize the danger of hastily burning bridges. Letting go too quickly can intensify the feelings of isolation and loneliness in an already fragmented world.
Sometimes, the path to growth and wellbeing is not through breaking up, but in repair.
Honest Communication is Key
Open the lines of communication by setting a date to chat with your friend, ensuring it’s a suitable time for both of you. This isn’t just a casual catch-up – it’s a deliberate effort to resolve your differences. When entering the conversation, be genuine and authentic. The objective here isn’t to score points or prove a point, but to understand each other and foster mutual respect. Keep in mind that saying what’s on your mind is better than holding it in and letting it manifest in harmful ways. Relationships can only grow stronger in honest environments.
As your friend shares their feelings with you, refrain from forming rebuttals in your mind. Nodding, maintaining eye contact, and using affirming words can show your friend that they have your full attention. Remember, understanding is the goal, not necessarily agreement.
Create a Plan Together
Having aired out your issues with each other, the next step is preventive care. Consider strategies to avoid pitfalls in the future. This could be a promise to communicate more frequently, engage in activities that strengthen your bond, or even attend mediation sessions together if the problem was significant.
This is also a great time to establish clear boundaries with each other. Define what’s acceptable and what’s not in your relationship. This may involve discussing how often you communicate, topics that are off-limits, or other specifics that have caused friction in the past. Respecting these boundaries is essential for the renewed relationship to flourish.
Prioritize Your Mental Health
While the intent is to mend the relationship, it shouldn’t be at the expense of your mental peace. It’s essential to strike a balance. If discussions become too intense, agree to pause and resume after some reflection or even seek advice from a neutral third party.
This is a difficult time for you both, and complex issues can sometimes cloud conversations. Address one sentiment at a time, ensuring each is given the attention and resolution it deserves. It ensures clarity and prevents the conversation from becoming overwhelming. You should each take care of your mental health, while trying not to juggle each other’s feelings.
Understand When to Walk Away
It’s a very difficult decision to make, but sometimes friendships have run their course. If, after sincere effort, old patterns re-emerge or the relationship remains strained, it may be time to consider parting ways with love and respect. You might need time apart, or you might need a more permanent break.
Wrap-Up
Friendships, like all relationships, are living entities that need nurturing, understanding, and sometimes, repair work. The decision to rebuild a broken bridge can be a testament to the strength and resilience of the bond you share. Amidst the popular culture of ‘letting go’, sometimes the most radical act of self-love and growth is to hold on, repair, and rejuvenate.
Until next time!
Zainib Abdullah (MSW, RSW) is the founder and executive director at Wellnest, a Toronto-based mental health clinic. The Wellnest team – a collective of diverse psychotherapists – focuses on supporting the needs of the BIPOC community. As a trauma therapist, her approach is client-centred, anti-racist/oppressive and trauma-informed, incorporating various therapeutic modalities. She uses somatic based therapy to help clients heal and manage trauma experiences. She supports clients in accessing greater connectedness to their inner wisdom and peace.