How To Break Up With Your Friend – And Work On Healing After
Heartbreak isn’t exclusive to romantic relationships. It sneaks into our platonic relationships too, often underplayed and unrecognized.
Since friendship breakups aren’t as normalized, many of us don’t know how to navigate them. We may not be able to recognize when we’re ready for a breakup, how to initiate one, or how to heal after.
We’re here to help guide you through this challenging experience.
Knowing When to End a Friendship
It can be difficult to know when a friendship has run its course. Here are a few signs that it might be time to reconsider a friendship:
- Lack of reciprocity: A healthy friendship should involve give and take from both sides. Do you find that you’re always the one making the effort? Does the relationship feel one-sided? These might be signs that the friendship is imbalanced.
- Consistent negativity: Friendships should generally bring joy, comfort, and positivity. If you consistently feel drained, upset, or stressed after interacting with your friend, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship.
- Disrespect or hurtful behaviour: Everyone makes mistakes, but a friend who repeatedly disrespects you or engages in hurtful behaviour without taking responsibility may not be providing a healthy connection.
- Misaligned values or life changes: As we grow and evolve, our values can shift. If you find that you and your friend no longer share common values or if significant life changes have caused a divide, the friendship may no longer be fulfilling.
- Lack of trust: Trust is a vital component of any friendship. If you’ve reached a point where you no longer trust your friend, it may be time to move on.
How to End a Friendship
The process of ending a friendship can be as delicate as it is daunting. Here are some guidelines to navigate this tricky territory:
- Reflect on your decision: Before making a move, spend some time reflecting on your decision if you can. You might try asking yourself, “Is this a relationship I want to work on or a relationship I want to leave?” Keep in mind that a breakup does not always have to be permanent. You can leave some space to find your way back to each other in the future, if that’s what you want!
- Plan the conversation: If you decide to end the friendship, planning what you’ll say can help. Focus on explaining your feelings and reasons for ending the friendship without resorting to blame or personal attacks. Express your feelings using “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, “I feel drained after our interactions” vs. “You’re always so negative.”
- Set boundaries post-breakup: Decide on the contact you’re comfortable with moving forward. Well-defined boundaries can help both of you navigate the transition. If the ex-friend is in your shared social circle, create clear boundaries for your comfort. This could mean reducing contact, unfollowing them on social media, or even communicating your needs to mutual friends.
Coping with a Friendship Breakup
Here are some tips to navigate the complex emotions of a friendship breakup:
- Allow yourself to grieve: Give yourself permission to feel the pain. It’s okay to mourn the loss of the friendship, the shared memories, and the future plans that now won’t happen. It’s normal to grieve a friendship breakup similarly to how one might grieve a romantic relationship.
- Reach out for support: Share your feelings with a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional. Don’t isolate yourself. Remember, it’s okay to seek comfort and advice from others.
- Practice self-care: Take care of your mental, emotional, and physical health. Engage in activities that you enjoy and that make you feel good. This could be anything from taking a long bath, going for a run, or curling up with a good book.
As painful as a friendship breakup can be, it can also provide opportunities for personal growth and self-discovery.
It can help you understand what you value in a friendship and set boundaries for future relationships. You can learn to stand up for yourself, to cope with loss, and most importantly, to extend compassion towards yourself.
Navigating the end of a friendship is undeniably difficult, but remember that it’s okay to grieve, it’s okay to let go, and it’s okay to prioritize your mental and emotional health.
If you find it challenging to cope, professional help from a psychotherapist can provide valuable guidance and support.
Until next time!
Zainib Abdullah is the founder, executive director, and a psychotherapist at WellNest Psychotherapy Services. Her approach to healing incorporates various therapeutic modalities. She works from a client-centred, anti-racist/oppressive/colonial & trauma-informed framework. As a yoga teacher and student in the lineage of Classical Yoga, she further incorporates mindfulness based therapies to support clients in accessing greater connectedness to their inner wisdom and peace.